On the Subject of Scooters

[The bold, enlarged font denotes the most alarming line in the entire exchange.]


John: for real, I'm going to get a motorcycle learner's permit tomorrow.

41 minutes

12:37 AM me: HAHAHA what?!?!?!

12:38 AM John: I truly never believed that I would be applying for a motorcycle license... ever.

This is a lot like the time I drove that pick up truck,

or the time I drank that miller lite,

except both of those times I was black out drunk.

me: I hate to be the one to break it to you but,

12:39 AM 1. The fact that you are aware of hues and tones outside of ROY G BIV is going to be an enormous hindrance

2. I don't know that Express slacks will mesh well with a Harley

3. See 1 and 2

John: lol.

12:40 AM Don't worry, I have a super gay thing to ride all picked out.

Think: scooter.

me: oh jesus god.

John: It comes in a delightful shade of cyan melt.

matches my producer pant collection really well.

me: hahahaha

wow. you couldnt have said ANYTHING that would have caught me more off guard

12:43 AM John: I think this is one of my terrible ideas that I'm going to regret instantly. Like the seventh baked potato that day we got drunk and did nothing but eat baked potatoes,

or, that time I decided it was okay to drive a pick-up truck.

but both of those times, again, I was really drunk.

12:44 AM me: im far more concerned that this is a sober decision, to be honest

John: I know.

Let me run my math by you.

Me + Scooter = faggy.

but!

me + nothing else = already faggy.

me + scooter = hazard to myself and others.

but!

12:45 AM me + any degree of frustration related to transportation = pre-conditioned near sui/homicidal rage.

me + carshare/SEPTA = 500/mo on transportation.

me + scooter = money up front, and then 100 miles/gallon.

12:46 AM there is the first equation, though. That one still bothers me. (me+scooter = faggy).