I Got a Head Like a Wet Cigarette

I've never been one to put much stock into the goings-on within my subconscious. This stems from the fact that my dreams are never substantial, but rather are an assortment of recountings of the prior day. As I wake the next morning, my dreams come back to me slowly and it's always the same. I often become frustrated with my ho-hum R.E.M. events because, come ON! In the non-waking hours,you can be anything you desire. Beautiful, rich, a professional thong tester, a mysterious drifter. ANYTHING. But no, my mind decides that I went to the gym before work, not after. I had a 5 dollar foot-long instead of crab cakes.

Anyway, until recently, this used to irk me tremendously. Then the recurrent dreams began.

One can assign blame to the causes of dreams to any number of things. Lingering day dreams, stress, fixation. The list goes on. I had no direct instigation for my series of repeats. I simply found myself, night after night, dreaming of a man I've never been so good at letting go of.

The dreams sort of took on a "Choose Your Own Adventure" format, with each night bringing a different set of circumstances and a varied conclusions. In one, I saw him in a supermarket, wearing overalls and strolling alongside a less than attractive older woman. In another, we spent a significant portion arguing over the new U2 album, followed by reading in bed. In still another, I saw him at random in a field and we meaningfully embraced amidst the wildlife. Every morning I would feel bewildered and a bit alarmed as to why my psyche was visiting this topic so passive-aggressively. I did nothing what-so-ever to fuel it. I went to great measures to quell the dreams and thoughts, as it were. Finally,after a week of nocturnal ups, downs, and the like, it finally subsided.

As the sun permeated my unmasked eyelids this morning, I finally felt grateful for the hum-drum dream of friends and Mexican cuisine. At least when your dreams are but a re-enactment of the day before, you don't awaken with a sinking heart and a head like a wet cigarette.